Sunday, 11 August 2013

The Post Completion Malaise

It's been ages hasn't it.

It's not to say that I've had no ideas or inspiration, but the last few months really have been a haze of so many different things.

I've been on at least 6 picnics I think, there's nothing quite so blissful. Finishing work and strolling home under the summer sunshine before grabbing the car and heading out to the hills.

It's the little things sometimes, like stacking a sandwich gazing up at the clouds that make me appreciate everything.

Our schedule is ours.
We choose the paths we want to take.
Time is our only dictator.
We have time to waste, but it's never a waste when your decisions turn the hands.

I've also been fortunate enough to get myself to a lot of shows in the past few months which is always a joy.

This year I've worked 14 events, thanks as always to everyone involved for the opportunities, and I've judged 162 fights, only 8 behind my total for the entire of 2012.

Are there still goals with judging? Always or I wouldn't continue to do it. That's the genius of gaming in some respects; most of the time you're only limited by the boundaries you set yourself.

I once beat Ghosts and Goblins on one credit but didn't do the repeat run on the same credit. It legitimately took me weeks to get my technique down, and even though I felt like the king of the world for a time, I still could have taken it further.

Judging is exactly like that for me. It's a science. It's not based on any kind of organic feeling or emotional connection, it's solely based on a process. A process that I love because it lets me separate myself from everything and see only what's happening in front of me. It's strange to think that the mind even has that ability. The power to fine-tune every sense available to a single point. There's nothing else. Not you. Not me. Not anything.

The focus only shifts as colours clash and fade and kinetic energy is duly rewarded; changing from one form to another but never stopping to look back at how it arrived at points. Only when it's over do I truly get a sense of completion. My eyes scan the documentation, my brain calculates the numbers and my pen transcribes the results.

What then? Is that the end? It's only the end if you want it to be the end.

Is there one way to tell someone you love them? One way to walk to work? One way to help somebody you care about? Of course not. There's always improvements and finding ways to make myself better at this whole process is what motivates me to never stop learning.

Just because the game finished doesn't mean you have to stop.

It's only the end if you don't want to do it again.
The post credit malaise only serves to make me think how I could have done things better.
There's no such thing as the perfect game, despite what Billy Mitchell may say.

I take a deep breath, the lights fall low, the music starts again and it begins.

I'll never stop doing this.
As long as I have breath in my body I'll want to do this.
I'll want to settle scores, to interpret chaos, to stand up and offer a concrete conclusion.

Besides, ceremony means nothing right?

Thanks for taking the time.
It won't be this long again.
Take care

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