Tony

 

There's no roadmap to any of this really, no matter how many times we're a part of this circle.

It never gets any easier, but we probably get better at safeguarding ourselves in whatever way we can. 

You're never truly ready though; how could you be? 

I've written quite a few things about losing my dad when I was in my mid 20's, and nearly 20 years on, I can honestly say that it shaped me in ways that I could never had anticipated.

 There's a million one things I could say about what I wish I could say to him, but I learned to let them go, and to continue to try and be the best I can be. That's what he truly would have wanted. 

I lived with my mum after we lost my dad for 4 years, and I didn't realise it at the time, but I really needed her,  maybe as much as she needed me. We were good for each other, and I look back at those years with a certain fondness. I knew it couldn't last forever, but I really appreciated it while it did. 

When I met Vanille, everything changed. She moved in with my mum and me within 6 months, and we had our own place within 12. It was perfect, but I still worried about my mum, and how she'd cope. We weren't too far away though, and I made sure I visited regularly, and would often finish work and go round for a cup of tea, a chat and a Fish finger sandwich. 

She met Tony a few years after I'd left, at the funeral of a mutual friend, and when she told me about him, there was a legitimate nervousness. I can only assume she was worried how I'd react, but there really wasn't any need to. I was so happy for her, and really couldn't wait to meet Tony. 

The first time I met him, we hit it off straight away. He was so interesting, and really funny, and I could see how happy he made my mum. He was such a great guy, and I chatted to him for hours about various different things that first evening. He'd lived such an interesting life. 

I've talked before about my 30's, and how all these life changing things happened, and how sad it made me that I couldn't tell my dad about them. Everything I've done, that I'm probably the most proud of has happened in the last decade or so. 

• Being Vanille's Husband
• Judging World Title Fights
• Travelling everywhere
• Setting up One Credit Classics
• Teaching Consistently 
• Getting a few belts in Jiu-Jitsu

Tony cared about all of that, and I can't tell you how much that meant to be able to talk to someone like that, about all those things. He was really proud of me when I told him I'd been somewhere, judging fights in another part of the world. Him and my Mum were very happily married for the best part of a decade, but he fell ill last year, and we sadly lost him last month. 

The last time I saw him was just before Christmas, as me and Vanille dropped presents off and chatted to him, my mum and his daughter Sally. He was still himself, but I could tell he was struggling, bless him. 

When it was time to go, I went to give him a hug and he pulled me in close and said "Always follow your heart son. That's the best advice I can give you." I told him that I would, and that I'd see him again soon, and we went on our way. 

I'm really glad we all met Tony. 

He made my mum so happy for this last decade, and he was really fond of Vanille. I'm so glad our paths crossed, and I feel a better person for the time we shared, and the conversations we had. I'll always follow my heart, and try and live a life as worthwhile as Tony did. 

Take care my friend. I'll make sure my mum is ok, she's made of strong stuff. 

I'm only sad I didn't get to know you sooner.